I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
