I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
