3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
