Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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