in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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