I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
