did you get engaged???
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
