I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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