Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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