you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And then my night got REAL pukey
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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