Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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