I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
