I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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