I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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