The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
