if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
