Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
