Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
