dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I met the friendliest cop last night
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
