Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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