i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
