Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
