well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
