porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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