i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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