Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
