...so i touched it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
