she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
