There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
