I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon