Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
