I'm jealous of your bromance
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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