First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she told me i tasted like america
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"