The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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