the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.