Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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