i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
bring money and cleavage
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend