saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Boobs are out for the taking
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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