You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
