so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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