dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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