apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
