I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
