4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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