Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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