going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
