double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
