No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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