Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
