I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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