Swine flu. Run for my life!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
