who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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