wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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