when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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