Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
