you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
