It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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