Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
