Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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