please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
