How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
