Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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