so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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