oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
