I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
