I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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