Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm pants shitting drunk right now

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  (734): I'm pants shitting drunk right now http://tfl.nu/z85l
  Replies (4) Good night (735) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.

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  (619): 3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact. http://tfl.nu/7spk
  Replies (20) Good night (2335) Bad night (700)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.

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  (757): We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on. http://tfl.nu/8n2e
  Replies (15) Good night (5547) Bad night (933)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.

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  (604): 5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real. http://tfl.nu/vlat
  Replies (7) Good night (4940) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.

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  (207): I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something. http://tfl.nu/x6k7
  Replies (21) Good night (6671) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.

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  (254): she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared. http://tfl.nu/cseo
  Replies (9) Good night (2999) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.

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  (978): We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom. http://tfl.nu/rwqy
  Replies (2) Good night (1510) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.

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  (867): Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now. http://tfl.nu/u52e
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (1980) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

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  (941): Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass? http://tfl.nu/sdtw
  Replies (4) Good night (1683) Bad night (543)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(

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  (952): I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :( http://tfl.nu/9wgw
  Replies (3) Good night (1256) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.

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  (770): Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days. http://tfl.nu/lo7p
  Replies (4) Good night (306) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!

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  (314): also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!! http://tfl.nu/6chb
  Replies (17) Good night (1153) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not

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  (910): He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not http://tfl.nu/zx60
  Replies (3) Good night (385) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me

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  (732): I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me http://tfl.nu/tpku
  Replies (3) Good night (900) Bad night (261) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.

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  (703): I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone. http://tfl.nu/an49
  Replies (5) Good night (266) Bad night (686)

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