I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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