We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
