i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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