I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
