Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
