Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
