you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
