do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
