Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
