how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
