This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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