i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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