The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
